I'm back from a vacation to Australia. The big personal news from the hiatus is that I'm engaged... congratulations are welcome although I doubt they'll get much better than this: "May your marriage be pocket A's, and your honeymoon be narrated by Vince Van Patten." Thanks, Jules! Although I can say without a doubt that Vince Van Patten will not be welcome on our honeymoon. Since I'm sure someone is thinking it, neither will Shana Hiatt.

The big poker news appears to be that WSOP champ Greg Raymer got attacked in a casino -- and scared off the attackers by yelling for security?!

Raymer was returning to his room about 2 a.m. when two men approached, the report said. As he opened the door to the room, they tried to push him in.

But the heavyset Raymer resisted and began struggling with the men, the report said. As he was fighting, one of the men pulled out a gun and said: "We just want the money."

But Raymer didn't give up, and yelled for security, causing the men to flee.

Link (thanks, Marc!) As anyone who knows of my time spent in West Philadelphia can attest, I'm a fan of running away from gun-wielding attackers, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to hold back two guys trying to barge into my hotel room and be able to call security at the same time. If Raymer didn't have most poker players' respect before, I hope he has it now.

The other big news, also already known to anybody who follows poker news, or has watched at least one commercial break on ESPN in the last two months, is the debut of Tilt, the ESPN poker drama, this Thursday at 9P/8C. One pre-debut review pans it as over-cliched:

But every character is practically a caricature, Madsen's included. Cibrian and Williams have a particularly juicy exchange, after (again) challenging each other, even as they're working together to bring down the Matador.

Williams' character, Clark, stares Cibrian's Eddie down and says, "When this is all done I can't wait to go head to head with you like Creed and Rocky at the end of III."

"Ding, ding," Eddie replies.

Whew. Rocky III references. You don't hear those every day. With good reason.

Link

I don't care if every reviewer this week calls Tilt the worst television since The Brady Brides or that weird guy with the toilet seat around his head on Austin public access, it's on my TiVO.

And I'm not so sure criticizing Rocky III is really solid ground. In recent memory, I've heard friends and poker players quote far more dubious sources, including High Anxiety, The Sandlot Kids, and Gargamel. I am a little skeptical of Michael Madsen's ability to play a lead in a TV series, but there are plenty of washed up movie actors who found moderate success in lead TV roles. Besides which, Madsen to me seems kinda like a cross between a 30-years-younger John Bonetti and Mike Matusow so I find him more buyable as a poker pro than John Corbett was.

Will anyone ever convince Ben Affleck to play the lead in a poker movie/series? He could pull it off, and be a pretty decent advisor on which lines in the script would never be heard at a poker table, something most poker entertainment apparently lacks.

This post is beginning to rival Iggy for length:point ratio, but I have one more item to share. A story from my great friend and long-time poker rival, JZ.

Over the break, JZ was in Vegas for a boys' weekend of hard-partying and gambling. As often happens after one too many jack and cokes, he found himself at the casino war table. You may remember casino war as the worst game in the casino, or alternatively the best poker blog on the internet. Depends how hazy your memory is.

OK, the game was actually pai gow poker, but trust me, any Vegas table story is much better if you pretend the game is casino war.

Anyway, as also often happens after one too many jack and cokes, JZ struck up a conversation with some of his fellow players which walked the thin line between cordial ebullience and blatant insult. One player in particular apparently thought JZ was all about cordial ebullience and not blatant insult, and even was trash-talking back, so JZ apparently decided to up the ante and see how much trash this jouster could take.

JZ described the guy as "a big guy, with this massive godawful gold ring on his hand." Apparently this guy was in Vegas for the big rodeo, and was all done up in a cowboy-type getup, belt buckle and hat and all. JZ had been successfully trashtalking his outfit but began to notice how huge the ring was. So, naturally, he thought he had a winner. "Hey that's a nice ring... how much you think they'd give you for that thing at a pawn shop?" was the line, which elicited several sniggers from the players, and apparently just a loud laugh but no other response from the player in question. If such a response seems normal to you, you haven't trash-talked enough gaudy Vegas jewelry -- the wearer always has an overly sensitive comeback.

JZ doesn't think much of it, and keeps playing hands and sucking down the jack and cokes. A while later, a new player comes to the table and looks directly over at JZ's ring-wearing friend.

"Hey, I think I know you!" A lightbulb flickers in JZ's head.

"You're a baseball player, right??" Lightbulb comes on briefly.

"Yep," ring-man says.

"Josh Beckett, right?"

"Yep," and now the lightbulb explodes.

Josh Beckett. As in Josh Beckett, the Florida Marlin pitcher. As in Josh Beckett, the Florida Marlin pitcher who pitched a five-hit shutout of the Yankees. In the 2003 World Series (of baseball :). Which the Marlins won. And received championship rings for.

JZ didn't remember his response to this, but I'm pretty certain it was along the lines of "Ah." Followed by perhaps a few quiet hands before his trash-talking started up again.

For those of you who don't know what a World Series ring looks like, here is the Marlins 2003 ring:

Yowza! In JZ's defense, that is one massive, godawful gold ring. In Beckett's defense, how could you not read the huge "MARLINS" and "WORLD SERIES" on that ring?? In JZ's defense, jack and coke has been shown in clinical trials to cause temporary fuzziness of vision. In Beckett's defense, he won the World Series and so has the right to wear whatever gaudy championship jewelry the league chooses to dispense. And he's a multi-millionaire sports star, so gaudy gold is a statutory requirement.

As a side note for folks who would recognize Josh Beckett at a casino war table, apparently the Marlins have been considering a move to Las Vegas which may also explain Beckett's presence there.

Congratulations on the engagement! And no, I won't try to be more witty than that. ;)

Posted by: April on January 11, 2005 02:20 AM

Jeremy, you need to post more often. Nice one.

Posted by: StudioGlyphic on January 11, 2005 04:20 AM

Congratulations on the engagement! I second the motion - post more if you have the time.

Posted by: mortal_one on January 11, 2005 11:52 AM

Engaged... congrats! Come to Vegas at the end of January and you can experience the bachelor party I'm throwing for my brother!

Re: Tilt

The line actually references Rocky II... Rocky doesn't face Creed at the end of III, he faces Mr. T. The reviewer is an idiot. And I'm watching no matter what the reviewers say. Plus, I'm not sure Madsen is technically the lead... although he's the biggest name and I think he's got a good role. The previews seem to make out the "Eddie" character as perhaps the bigger lead. It might be more of a ensemble thing.

Posted by: CJ on January 11, 2005 09:04 PM

congrats on the engagement!

i, too, wish you were able to post more often.

Posted by: iggy on January 12, 2005 11:08 AM

Thanks for all the kind words, much appreciated.

Posted by: Jeremy on January 13, 2005 01:30 AM

Congratulations, again, sir! You are a lucky man, and A is obviously very much blinded by love.

Posted by: Rob on January 14, 2005 12:52 AM

Rocky and Mr. T fight in the title match in III. However, after that match, Creed and Rocky fight in the gym as a sort of friendly rematch. Rocky has a giant freakin' black eye at the beginning of Rocky IV as a result.

God, why do I know this.

Oh, and congrats on the engagement (from a first-time poster)!

Posted by: Jonathan on January 14, 2005 12:23 PM

Cool :)

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